Deep-six the quick-fix

Nobody wants to feel like they are falling apart, so we all try to hold ourselves together the best that we can.

Too often - and while I am speaking for myself, I feel that others probably share the same sentiment - we use whatever "glue" is the most easily accessible. We opt for what seems like the "least expensive" thing at the time instead of going to the root of the problem.

It sometimes seems easier to patch up the cracks with something temporary, just to get through. Especially if you have a deadline or a necessary task that requires all of your attention.

But if we keep doing that - keep sloppily mending ourselves without help or actually dealing with the problem(s), we will keep developing cracks, perpetuating what we initially saw as a quick-fix.

Cracked Vase by Janet McTague

Eventually, we have "quick-fixed" ourselves to the point where quick-fixing doesn't work anymore.

It is usually at this moment when everything falls apart. And if we were to be truly honest about it, I think we'd say that we knew it was coming.

The tension of holding everything together for so long in such an unnatural way takes a toll on a person. It makes the soul tired. And amidst all the scattered mess of "self" that you had once plastered together, it's hard to see how anything good could come of it. It's hard to see how you could ever become what you had pretended to be for so long - structured and strong and something with worth.

But, I can tell you, that even though it's hard, and even though it will be hard to remember, we still must have hope at the bottom. If we hadn't have fallen apart at that point, we know that it would have inevitably occurred later.

And maybe it's not so bad that we did crumble. Maybe we should see it as a new beginning: a chance for God to remake us in the way that we were supposed to be made instead of in the image of our own silly fumblings.

Maybe we can be rebuilt. Better. Stronger. More beautiful and passionate and lovely than anything we could have envisioned ourselves.

But when you feel so broken, it's hard to remember that this is a chance. I was once told that bone is strongest after it's been broken. Just because you need healing doesn't mean that you can't be strong again.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world." Of course falling is scary. But getting up can be scarier. You may not know what to do at first, but it's important to face what caused you to fall in the first place.

Once the fear starts to settle, though, it's difficult to remain patient. Healing takes time - always more time than you think you need. What wonderful peace we would find if we could only learn to be still.

Then slowly, piece by piece, we'll find ourselves again. Maybe we'll be different. Maybe we'll be refashioned in a way we would never have conceived previously. But what is certain is that our hearts will be stronger and our spirits will be restored and we won't be able to keep it in. We won't want to.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." -Nelson Mandela

Now and Later

You've just graduated from college. What's next? Do you get a job? Go to graduate school? Or do you devote a little more time toward "finding yourself" because you're still not sure what you want to do with your life?

I believe that I have finally realized that life is one continuous transition period...which can be pretty intimidating. The idea that you'll never be entirely comfortable with everything may seem cynical and like a hopeless, 'glass-half-empty' way to look at things, but it can also be treated as a challenge. If we accept that life will be filled with struggles and tests of our character, then we can be better prepared to recognize those struggles and tests and learn to see them as periods of time - granted, difficult periods - that will serve as a testament to who we are rather than seeing them as scary bludgeonings of an already fragile way of life.

If we greet every day with boldness rather than a paranoid fear of the future, then we have already won half of the battle. We can exercise only so much command over our lives; at some point, we are at the mercy of chance (see Leave it all to Chance), which can also be a scary prospect. Yet, if we embrace the unknown and carry with us a hope that is not based on an ephemeral comfort, we are no longer victims of circumstance, but rather masters of our fates (see Noteworthies: Invictus).

Now, you can't tell me that's not empowering.

The future can be frightening, and it's often painted as a daunting, murky sea of possibilities, but something that I believe is equally as important is the present. We've been so trained to focus on the "later" that the difficulties of the "now" are routinely overlooked. Yes, it's obvious that what we do now ultimately affects our prospects for later, but it can be so easily forgotten by a 'now-focused' mind. And it's strange, but sometimes a 'later-focused' mind can seamlessly, and yet unknowingly, become 'now-focused'.

But that doesn't make sense, does it?

Let's try to break it down. Say you're in school and you know that getting good grades will help you to accomplish your future goals (i.e. career). Ultimately, you're preparing for later, but it's effortless to get caught up in the "now" of your next assignment and that test this week. It's not bad to strive for academic excellence, but I believe that it must be tempered with a focus on other things as well. Often, it's automatic for a person to say that career is superseded by things like family and loved ones. (I mean, what would people think if you didn't say that?) And while this statement is true for many people, it all depends on how your life is prioritized. To the 'later-thinker'-converted-'now-thinkers', it can be difficult to remember that an extreme focus on one aspect of life can injure other valued areas. Sometimes good intentions are the very things that undermine what we intended in the first place.

So now what?

While there is no way to simultaneously focus on both the present and the future, to be aware that both demand attention is an important realization. Balancing life can be hard, especially when you have to alternate between preparing for your "later" and accomplishing things in your "now", but with  persistence, flexibility, and conviction, life won't get the best of you: 

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens." -Khalil Gibran

Word to the Wise: Moving

Over the past few weeks, I have become quite familiar with boxes upon boxes upon boxes. And while moving can be exciting (and sometimes sad), it can also be a hassle. So, assuming that I'm not the only one

out there who has trouble with this sort of thing, I've written a list of some of the things that I have learned.

When preparing for a move, if there is enough time, make sure to

Picture from Pop Circus.

1. Go through your stuff
2. Repeat #1 as necessary and as time allows
3. You may (read: will) still have too many things, so make a plan for where to put the things you're getting rid of when you begin to unpack at your new home - because by this point, you've probably definitely run out of time
4. If you're making a long-distance move, make sure to contact the moving company as soon as you find out the information they need to know. Otherwise you might be looking at a constrained window of opportunity (which we do not want!)
5. This may be your first BIG move, and if it is, then there is a whole slew of other things that you may need to consider. Things like...

• Furnishings (Regardless of the urges, leave the arranging til after you're there - you'll probably end up re-arranging. Multiple times.)
• Renters Insurance
• Talking with a realtor and your bank (keep everyone on the same page)

6. Another important thing to know is where your mail goes...and where (potentially gigantic) packages are held, because there is no way they're fitting into that tiny mailbox you have

7. Although I have not reached this point yet, I have heard that you should always keep your cleaning supplies easily accessible when actually moving into your new home (just in case other things decided to move in, as well)

And there are so many more aspects that could be considered. I suppose the most important thing is to maintain a good sense of humor and to not be afraid to let go of things. The memory isn't erased when the object is no longer there. On the other hand, if you wish to forget about something, you've got to realize that getting rid of an object that symbolizes who/whatever you are trying to forget will not make the memory disappear. Time is the only natural thing that eats away at the edges of memory.

Noteworthies: Invictus

If you're reading this and you have not seen the movie Invictus, then you should take this moment to make your to-do list just a little bit longer. It's definitely worth the time.

The title, however, is based on William Ernest Henley's "Invictus" - a fiercely empowering piece. In the film, it heals and restores a man's spirit so that he might set into motion a plan that would not only rekindle a sense of patriotism but would also mend the rifts between a people, wrought by their own doubled-edged animosity.

The power of words is astounding. Too often, they callously destroy in a moment's fury. But sometimes, on those rare occasions, they come together in such a beautifully inspiring way that it would be doing the world a disservice not to share.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

Leave it all to Chance

Recently, I've been thinking about making decisions and control...and how others' decisions affect our own - you know, the usual cyclic conundrums into which I am so easily swept. But as I thought about it more, I began to wonder about what happens when we reach the point where we don't want to deal with it anymore. You know, when you're so tired of looking at or thinking about something that you say, "I've done all I can do, so I'm just going to leave it all to chance."

Leave it all to chance.

What is chance, anyway? When we decide to let chance determine our next step, what is really happening? Just because we no longer have the ability to be (or simply choose to not be) directly involved does not mean that some omnipotent chance is in control...or does it? At this point, we might say, "Oh yes - God is chance. Or, at least, God steps in at those moments."

It makes sense, but what about all of those other factors that we didn't consider the first time? Let's say you're completing a job application. When you finally submit it (for the sake of the example, we're assuming the application is online), it is out of your hands and you no longer have control over the situation. (This is the point where you say you will leave it all to chance.) As a part of your application, you had to upload your résumé and answer some questions about why you are a good fit for the job, etc. You know it wasn't dazzling, but with the right hiring manager, you might have a shot.

Enter the hiring manager. Yes, the hiring manager probably has a set of guidelines for narrowing down the search for employees, but the selection process also inevitably depends on the hiring manager's current frame of mind. There are so many things that play into this. Consider two scenarios for the hiring manager's morning:
1) found out that his/her sister is stuck in the airport because of snow delays and flat tire on the way to work; 2) notified that he/she won a raffle for $1000 and made it to work without hitting any red lights. It is easy to see how either one of these two scenarios might put a person in a different mood than the characteristic monotonous mediocrity. And since humans are never truly free of bias, an altered frame of mind could covertly determine the open-mindedness of the hiring manager, thus affecting the survival rate of your application.

Notice that everything that might have affected the hiring manager's morning was largely dependent upon things exterior to himself/herself. Let's say that the hiring manager woke up that morning and said, "I hope today goes well, but I'll just leave it all to chance."

Here we go again.

It would seem as if our chance is also dependent upon others' actions. So when we say we are leaving it all to chance, we're leaving it up to other people, and ultimately, to God.

So does chance exist at all?

Noteworthies: The Rule of Love

For those of you looking for a quick, thoughtful read, I will let C.S. Lewis do the talking:

"The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbour; act as if you did. As soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less. There is, indeed, one exception. If you do him a good turn, not to please God and obey the law of charity, but to show him what a fine forgiving chap you are, and to put him in your debt, and then sit down to wait for his 'gratitude', you will probably be disappointed. (People are not fools: they have a very quick eye for anything like showing off, or patronage.) But whenever we do good to another self, just because it is a self, made (like us) by God, and desiring its own happiness as we desire ours, we shall have learned to love it a little more or, at least, to dislike it a little less."

-from Mere Christianity

I got this great book of C.S. Lewis quotes last Christmas and there are so many good tidbits in it! Sometimes good thoughts happen upon us, and what a wonderful feeling it is when they do. But I believe that it takes hearing others' good thoughts to develop better ones for yourself. However, the trick is to not get stuck behind the other people's thoughts: "Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking." -Einstein.

Acquire enough knowledge to understand and then think for yourself. When you hit a wall, there's nothing wrong with looking for inspiration, but once you find it, remember why you went looking.

Night Lights

Well, here we are. You might say that I've hit that point where the blog-urges have gotten the better of me. I've wanted to write for a while, but it's been hard finding a time to devote to it. What, with trying to get ahead on schoolwork only to keep up with everything else. But those moments where you don't think about all of that everything else are so precious. Sometimes, getting past the guilt of "wasting time" is the hardest part...but it's also the necessary part. I don't think a lot of us realize how important those moments are.

Let me take you into my world for a little.

Lamp Post by Joyce Ann Burton-Sousa

The metal is cold in your hand as you open the door. As you take your first step outside, you hold your breath in case the night air is as chilly as you remember. The sidewalk is still darker than usual from the constant mist that has been shivering in the air all day. It's like walking in a cloud; you can almost see the droplets suspended in the air. And it's beautiful. You let out your breath as the coldness creeps to your nose and ears. They're always the first to go. In the darkness and the dampness, the greens of the grass and the leaves on the trees look almost black. The cement glistens faintly. The bricks of the building around you glow from the lights posted down the path. In the middle of the sidewalk, there are two consecutive, canal-like structures that cradle a reservoir of water. In the daylight, it's nothing special. The leaves and dust and rocks that have been swept into it are blatant. The water isn't cleaned or filtered...it's just ordinary water. But at night, the water is wondrously black, just like the sky. The reflections of the lights dance in its wetness as the wind stirs or the mist drops kiss the surface. And it's beautiful. You walk on the ledge of the canals, balancing between the sidewalk and the shivery plunge. You listen to the click-clack of your shoes as the wind whispers past your ears. Ahead, you can see a square fountain, bubbling up with glittering water, shooting in unequal spurts from the plastic pumps. The gleam of the night lights works magic on the little fountain too. And it's beautiful. The ordinary world is changed in that moment, in that place, in your eyes. And it's beautiful.

That little place always makes me feel like I'm alive, like I'm not really caught in the drudgery of a noisy agenda. Here's to the moments and the places that make you feel like more than you've made yourself out to be.

A beautiful thing never gives so much pain as does failing to hear and see it. -Michelangelo